FINAL BLOG POSTING. ta-dah.

Write one last blog post answering the following questions: 

• Which in class writing was your favorite? Why?
• Which in class writing was your least favorite? Why?
• Review all your writing chronologically (earliest to latest). List three interesting observations or changes in your writing. Which are the most profound (obvious and important)? Why?
• If you could change anything about your writing this semester what would it be? Why?
• What did you like best about this course?
• What did you like least about this course?
• What would you have done differently this semester if you could have a do-over?
• What did learn about yourself as a student, a thinker, a writer this semester?
• What could I, Ms. A., have done differently to improve the course?
• You begin this course with an engagement and participation score of an A.  Attendance, participation in activities and group work help you to maintain this grade.  Evaluate yourself and assign yourself a grade for the in class portion of this course.  Don’t forget the reasoning behind your self assigned grade.

Looking back at all of my free write, my favorite one was about the first time my 2 year old took a dump on the toilet. The memory is my favorite, which makes the writing better (and longer) and is my favorite post.

My least favorite had to be the first day we did free writing. The reasoning behind this is because I was so frustrated. I wanted more time to prepare. I am a little OCD, and I believe in the mantra "Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance." It has been ingrained in me since I was a child, and I don't like things being sprung on me.

The most profound interesting observation is that my writing gets more and more sarcastic. I think that this is the only real observation, as a lot of it is me just BS'ing. I guess you could say my grammar gets better, but then again I think that is just the sarcasm. All of my writing is in a very sarcastic tone. I think this is because I find humor in writing on certain topics, and this most of the people in this class are..... not very creative writers. ;)

I would NOT change anything about my writing this semester. Period. It's fantastic, beautiful, poetic work that should be published and regarded as works of art for centuries. 

The best thing I liked about this course was sitting next to Thomas. He's my new best bed and I just learned he speaks French, Deutsche, and understands German. I wish him well on his European travels with his girlfriend this summer.

The only thing I would have done differently this semester is cared more. I just don't think it was very easy to care because there wasn't much to care about. Besides myself. And my beautiful, creative, artistic brain.

The thing I liked least about this course was the fact that I was not prepared for certain aspects of the class. I expected more, I expected to learn. More so than I did.

If I could have a do-over this semester I would have done the This I Believe essay so I'm not failing the class.

As a student, thinker, and a writer, I learned that I really want to pursue writing of some kind. I think I'm hilarious, witty, creative, and smarter than the average bear. I'm actually smarter than a couple really smart bears. I'm also a lot funnier when I write than when I talk. I can also talk, type, and think REALLY fast. 

BOOM.

Ms. A, to improve this course I would recommend LESS free writing, and more.... I don't know the correct phrasing... Curriculum based learning? Facts? Structural instruction? I don't feel like I learned anything besides how to free write for 10 minutes at a time and how to crack jokes. I'm scared to take the next step in English, learning wise, because I expected more from this class. Although you are freaking awesome. Seriously. It's weird. You're super cool.

I think I deserve a B. The only reason I don't say A is because I missed quite a few classes. If it weren't for that, I think I'm the most creative writer in this class. My participation is always GREATLY appreciated, and my group always thinks my stuff is awesome. In fact, multiple times my ideas have been considered the best. For this reason, I think I deserve AT LEAST a B. If you want to pretend I was always here, I deserve an A because I'm a genius.

Toodles.

Coltney 

The Woman of New Age Creation

By: Coltney Fisher ENG101 11:00AM

                                    LIVE @ New Age Creation 11:03AM

            Throughout the reaches of time and advancement of the human race, men have attempted a multitude of times to create what they view and consider to be  a “perfect woman”. Although unsuccessful after millennium of effort, I am pleased to be the first to tell you, that today, after the numerous attempts previously tried by man, the scientific and artistic communities of Earth are eager to announce to you the latest addition to humanity; the no-named woman of New Age Creation.

            First, let me tell you a little about a brand new, exciting, state-of-the-art, ever growing new enterprise, formed under the name and concept of New Age Creation. This company was founded within the areas of artificial insemination, cloning, and genetic modification, their main focus consisting of research and the goal of furthering the advancement and achievement of humanitarian services. So to sum up, their main focus and product, is the creation of humans.      

            Now, let me tell you about New Age Creations’ most recent addition. Created and pieced together from the DNA of over 20 people, giving it the genome diversity not yet witnessed or seen by any scientific community, let alone with human eyes, is the woman of which no name can speculated or fathomed. I have been told that because of this, she does not have, and does not intend to have, a name as you and I would assume. This might be seen as a strange notion to you or I, not wanting a name; continue reading and I can promise you that this woman not having a name is the simplest trait she possesses.

            This woman, of whom no name can or will be given, couldn’t possibly be any less than a staggering 6’ 4” in height and surprisingly, as nimble and limber as any professional athlete could be capable of being. At first glance, you might be mistaken in thinking she was one called Popeye the Sailor Man, with her forearms so comically muscular and chiseled, believing your own eyes is near impossible.  I don’t think that humanity has even seen a full grown bear with such brawn and brute strength. Among many strange features you will notice when she happens to glide by, this woman of no name, this creature, has the disheveled, dazed, appearance of an unkempt, uncivilized caveman. Her hair has a mottled, dirty assortment of different colored dreadlocks that reach the small of her back. There are some locks that have a blondish hue, some with various shades of blue; the roots of which were tinted green. I’m almost certain that they couldn’t possibly…wait a minute, her hair!  Her hair is natural, purely unaltered. What other qualities could such a human possess? I’ve been looking at her for all of 3 minutes and already I’ve become lost in the beauty of so much diversity. There are too many features, shapes, and colors to be able to describe to you and still be the first to publish this future-altering scientific success.

 After very little contemplation, I have to agree with her decision to have no name. She needs no name.

            Writhing in anticipation? Make sure and subscribe to my Live Feed, bookmark my link to your Newsfeed, and save me to your Favorites tab to stay updated on the future of humanity. Be the first to know. 

FEBRUARY 6TH

ANGRY RED SNAP DRAGON

Today, I would be an angry red snap dragon because I am super pissed off. I really just need to cuss up a storm on here to feel better. Hope I don’t get counted off for it. Anyways, let me continue on the rant I was just having.

THIS BITCH. I am so mad today. This girl in absolutely unbelievable. Now, I’m a scorpio, so I’m already a naturally jealous person. Well, extremely jealous. And this girl, I’ve never had to work so hard at self control my entire life. I literally have to watch her, for fear she might rufie and rape my husband. Anytime he goes anywhere in the house, she follows. Whether with her body, (mostly), or the rare occasion that doesn’t involve me following, her eyes. I can’t even let my husband smoke a cigarette in the garage alone by himself, because he’s scared she’s going to do something and make him have to lay to smack down on a hoe. I wish she would do something in front of me so I could lay the smack down on that hoe. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is, she hasn’t even graduated highschool and she’s older than me. She doesn’t even have her GED! Plus, her teeth are all sorts of funked up. (Yes I said FUNKed) She is lazy, sleeps all day, and all she has going for her is an in the dark rich ass fiancé and her money management skills. She is by no means prettier than me… but that makes me wonder. What is she actually thinks shes prettier than me? LOL I mean why would my husband want to be with a girl who number one is his best friends girl, and number two, her fiancé calls her “Stinky Puss.” Hmm. Wonder what that could mean? HA. I just cant wait to get back home and flaunt my relationship with husband some more. She gets SO jealous. Anytime she innapropriately asks him to do something with that slutty smirk on her face, he KNOWS it pisses me off, and he either asks me to come with him or asks me to do it instead. Last night when she asked him to start the fire back up, (which was less than a foot away from her) he looked at me because he knew exactly what she was doing and exactly how effing pissed I was going to get. Luckily, I married a smart man, and he looked at me and said. “Dear, take care of the fire for me?”

Which I went to try, and I couldn’t do what he wanted done. So he came over and showed me how to do it and helped me. It was all very cute and romantic and giggly. Once we started laughing, she jumped out of her chair and stormed into her room. I just couldn’t believe how…. Obvious… she was being about her being into my husband. Like bitch, you got your own sitting right beside you and you want mine? This girl is trying to make us come to Columbia with her and her fiancé today, and 

FEBRUARY 6TH

Always Correct in all of my Assumptions

Day in and day out, people do stupid shit. Like, all the time. And anytime anyone does something they shouldn’t, somehow I ALWAYS know. They will deny it, but in the end I always find out and I am always right! It makes me so mad. You would think that after someone knowing every time you screw up would make someone either one, make better decisions, or two, be a little sneakier and less obvious about what they do. Even though they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

That’s enough of my husband. Lets talk about bitches.

So I live with my husband, a co worker of his, and his fiancé. Now this chick, she REALLY gets under my skin. Really bad. She is CONSTANTLY flirting with my husband, every chance she gets she follows him around like a retarded little puppy dog. She flirts with him to the extreme, asks innapropriate questions and acts like she isn’t doing anything. She stares at him, and gives him this “look”. If you are a female reading this, you know the look. And she does this in front of me, AND her fiancé! She is so blatant about it I don’t know how to act. She makes me very uncomfortable, and my husband hates it too. Whenever we are fighting, she will leave us alone, go and sit with him, talk to him, follow him and make sure he’s ok, and then when we are beyond fantastic she does everything in her power to separate us. This weekend she wants us to go to Columbia with them but I have a really weird gut feeling like shes up to something, but I have no idea what it could be. She’s a little slut bag, and wants my husbands silky panties. Even though she has a fiancé, is talking to her ex swapping nudes and telling him she loves him. I just don’t understand where she gets off acting this way right in front of me. Is it because she doesn’t think I know what she’s doing? Does she want my husband that badly? Or does she just not care because technically its her house and if we have a problem we have nowhere to go?  My husband wants to say something to her fiancé, because they are like best friends. Plus, technically, the house, bills, cars, EVERYTHING are in his name and his rich parents names. I want to knock this bitch the FUCK out. Sorry for the language. After last night, having to deal with you, I literally can’t even think.

FEBRUARY 2ND

I believe in love

Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can feel. It can make people kill, fight, steal, destroy, hate, conspire, even torture. Love can also bring out the good side of humans though. It can make us happy, forgiving, understanding, empathetic, sincere, and all warm and cuddly inside.

What is it about the emotion that everyone has to get their hands on? Why does humanity crave love?

Love is the core of our DNA. Love is acceptance, understanding, possessive, jealous,  and forgiving all at the same time. Love is the only emotion we feel that we must own ourselves, that we cannot easily or willingly share with others. Love is binding, love is eternal, love is the beginning and love is the end. We as humans cannot survive without love at some point in our lifetimes. As babies, without love, we cannot grow into self sufficient adults. We cannot accept ourselves until we are loved by another, we have to have attention, and understanding, and someone to talk to and share our deepest desires with. We need someone to own a part of us, to hold for safe keeping. Without someone there to know and hold on to part of you, you can lose yourself in life and in the struggle of surviving the chaos humanity has turned the world into. You need an anchor, a human anchor, to keep you rooted in reality and not in whatever made up fiction is going around in your head.

Some people get married, some people divorce, some people just give up. I refuse to give up on my love. My other half keeps me strong, he inspires me, he keeps me sane.

FEBRUARY 2ND

I believe in love,

in loyalty

 in dedication

in my husband

in my children

in aliens

in respect

in hard work

in freedom

in murder

in revenge

in trust

in honesty

in forgiveness

in George Washington

in second chances

in third chances

in fourth chances

in fifth chances

in sixth chances

in seventh chances

BUT not in eighth chances

JANUARY 30TH

The Lady or the Tiger?

When the Princess’s lover opened the door, he was surprised to find not a beautiful woman or a way to live, but a ferocious and starved tiger. The lover of the Princess had barely enough time to glance at his maiden in shock before he sprang into action. He immediately dove to the left and opened the other door, but there was no escape. Simply a cell with a beautiful woman inside.

Now, this commoner, he had skills. Many skills. Along with being amazingly handsome and brave, he also had an entire lifetime of experience of living on the streets. He was agile, fast, sneaky, and confident. So when he realized the other door held no escape for him, he did what any street rat would do to a stranger. He grabbed her by her hair and her waist, hoisted her up, and launched her into the grasp of the tiger. The beautiful woman didn’t even have a chance to scream before the tiger sank his teeth into the flesh of her neck and shoulder. The sight was gruesome, but it gave the commoner a chance.

In the split second between opening the first door and the second door, the princess had left the audience. The king, the spectators, they did not see this. They did not know, even the commoner did not know, that this had been her plan. They were in love after all, so she knew everything he was capable of.

BY: Coltney Fisher

JANUARY 23RD

Where his eyebrows became AN eyebrow, his eyes half crossed, and he looked like he was doing my algebra homework he was so focused.

My son Kaesan is half Cambodian, and is the most beautiful baby boy in the entire world. He is two and a half years old, with the thick little tree trunk body of a linebacker, dark brown, almost black hair, light caramel skin, and the biggest brownest, most beautiful eyes in the entire UNIVERSE. His middle name is Maximus, after the movie Gladiator. He is the smartest kid I’ve ever seen. He is SO well behaved, always listening, and he can already have a full blown conversation with you. He loves the pretend he’s a dragon, especially while playing basketball with the 3,4 and 5 year olds. (Basketball if I didn’t write that he plays BASKETBALL with them) N

Now, I didn’t plan this, but he has a cousin that is barely over a year older than him, named Caden. Kaesan and Caden. Try remembering that at 70 years old! My grandparents get their names confused ALL the time. They mix up my name, my brother and sister, my cousins, my mom and my aunts, everyone has multiple names. But since Caden and Kaesan’s names sound so similar, it makes them extra confused, especially when they are watching both of them on the same afternoon. They get so frustrated. My grandmother, (Mawmaw) will yell at Caden saying “Kaesan!” and he responds with a ear piercing scream, “IM NOT KAESAN MAWMAW!” and since my Mawmaw is a spoiled brat at heart, she screams back and says “WELL WHOEVER YOU ARE< SHUT UP!”. This to me is the funniest thing in the world to watch. My Mawmaw gets so upset and so irritated with my son and his cousin, its like watching a baby trying to put a block through the wrong shaped hole, over a and over and over again. I don’t think she understands that talking to 2 and 3 year olds just doesn’t work when you’re screaming at them from across the house. My grandfather, (Pawpaw) on the other hand is the most patient man in the I know. He can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, and I just happen to be his favorite grandchild, and oldest granddaughter. (All my cousins are UGLY!)

JANUARY 23RD 

I haven’t had any time to prepare myself or think of a writing topic so this might be a little sketchy. I’m supposed to just think up a story on the spot, something very difficult, which is why I’m a little irritated. But, I digress. Here we go!

As a new mom, of course I have lots of stories of my kids. The one I have in mind just happened the other day. My son, who is now two and a half, is learning how to use the toilet. Every time he has to use the restroom he will tell you, but not until after he fills his diaper. He has successfully peed one time, and as of now, pooped as well! The funniest part about this is that as my oldest, I have never seen a child attempt to sit on a toilet by themselves.

My son was playing all afternoon after getting home from daycare, sword fighting with me using broken plastic golf clubs and pretending he was a dragon. When all of a sudden, and throws the “sword” at the wall and screams, “Kaesan’s on the case!” while ripping his pants off. I was so surprised, and looked at him and said, “What in the world are you talking about?”

That was when he made the face. As a parent, you know the face I’m talking about. Where his eyebrows became AN eyebrow, his eyes half crossed, and he looked like he was doing my algebra homework he was so focused. Then, I knew. So I screamed to my grandparents who were there, “POOP! WE HAVE POOP!” scooped up my son like a sack of potatoes, and ran to the potty saying “hold it, hold it, hold it Kaesan!”

When I set him down in front of the toilet to take his diaper off as fast as I could, I had no idea I needed to prepare myself to laugh my butt off

FREE WRITE JANUARY 26TH

I think I want to eat some soup. And a pickle. Wow I feel extremely pregnant today. Hopefully this week I’ll find out how far along I am. Fingers crossed not too far along.  Although I am ready to not have this acne all over my face. And the hormones. And the weight gain. And the giant balloon under my shirt. And OH MY GOODNESS the gas I have is unbelievably painful. It feels like labor, multiple times a day!

I can’t type anymore, so I am going to freestyle it.

Harry James Potter. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Severus Snape. Minerva McGonagall. Sirius Black. Rubeus Hagrid. Hermione Granger. Ronald Weasley. Percy Weasley. Bill Weasley. Fleur Delacour. Molly Weasley. Arthur Weasley. Fred and George Weasley. Ginny Weasley. Buckbeak.

JANUARY 26TH

Volkswagen POS. That, is any Volkswagen vehicle that is a piece of shit. (POS). I am currently in search of a new vehicle, and I have now decided that I will never own a Volkswagen, because of the comment I just made. I want a Honda, or Nissan, or even a Toyota, I need something reliable. Unlike my husband. J

I just really can’t think or function right now. I need money. I need a car. I need a place to live. I need a job. I need so much. Oh! I just remembered, I forgot to call Jordan Valley Healthcare today. I have a prenatal appointment on Wednesday, but I just can’t miss school anymore. But now that I think about it, my appointment is at 8am and my first class now that I dropped ASL is at 10am. I hope I can make it! I think I will try to reschedule anyways. But, on second thought, Jordan Valley is like right down the street. 2 hours for a Doctor’s appointment should be enough time. But just in case I think I will call and try to reschedule.

On a lighter note, class is out in about 10 minutes, and I have 2 sets of Hot Fudge Sundae pop tarts to eat, as well as a little special snack I shall partake in as well. Which, I’m already tired, I’ll probably pass the hell out in Math. Not like it matters, I’m in the retard math class. Crap I can do with my eyes and ears shut down. Oh well. 

JANUARY 26TH
Always looking over your shoulder, making sure there is no possibility of something making your heart stop beating and your brain stop firing. That is what women feel on a daily basis as they walk down the street. At least I do. Maybe I’ve seen too many episodes of Law and Order SVU.  Around every corner is someone on PCP looking to strip naked and stab me to death. That’s a real healthy way to take a stroll downtown. Imagining all the crazed drug addicts hiding in the shadows, waiting for pretty little thing like me with a nice jacket on to walk by so they can snap, leave reality, murder me, eat me, and toss me in the dumpster next to their bed. I’m obviously extremely paranoid, although I like to refer to myself as a chronic worrier. I don’t think EVERYONE is out to get me, I just think all the people that would love to chop me up could be anywhere. Could be right next to me. Thoma could be attempting to murder me today. Who knows? I mean think about how many people get killed every single day. Odds are, somebody’s getting sliced and diced soon. With my luck, probably me. I just hope that when I die, there is a movie about me. I hope I die in the most awesome way possible. If I ever get diagnosed with cancer or some stupid SHIT like that, I’m just going to fly on down the Columbia, buy a giant bag of pure cocaine, and go out the good way. I’m not dying after chemo. No way am I going to sit there and die. Of course at the rate America is going, I’ll probably become enslaved to some Chinese Overlord and work in the fields until the nuclear radiation from the war shorts out my brain. Yes, I think I’m screwed when China takes over. We will ALL become enslaved, fugitives, or dead. Sorry I have absolutely no idea what I’m typing about anymore. My brain hurts. I didn’t get enough sleep last night, and my stupid husband and I fought this morning because since I can’t find a way to school in the AM, I had to drop my first class. Which is the one I was most excited about. POOP! I wish I had a car. Speaking of cars, that is what I am using my student loan money for. I haven’t decided what type of car I am getting yet, but I know I don’t want some Volkswagen POS. It is so difficult to find a good Honda or Nissan for my price range though. I wish Oprah or Ellen would give me a call, and give me a car while they are at it. Maybe like 50 grand too

FEAR     JANUARY 26TH

When I think of fear, all I think of is death. So, am I afraid of death, or afraid of the unknown?

First, let’s discuss death. There are so many reasons to be afraid of death. Of what kind of death you will have, whether it be drowning, eyes searching the water as you exhale the last of your oxygen. Or possibly burning to death, scrambling around to try and escape the searing heat and choking fumes. Personally, I would love to fall off of the face of a cliff. I think the adrenaline coursing through my body after flying through the air hundreds of feet would make death feel like a rave party.  What other ways are there of dying? Blowing my brains out? Slicing someone into tiny pieces?

Isn’t that scary? Thinking about accidental deaths, then you realize, wait, someone could kill me. Like, any second they want to. There is no way to stop someone from shooting you, or sneaking up on you in the parking garage and slicing you up. Always looking over your shoulder, making sure there is no possibility of something making your heart stop beating and your brain stop firing. That, is fear.

Yet, when I think of fear of the unknown, death could also be placed into that category. I will never know how or when I will die, whether it be water or slicing or maybe cliff diving, which is what gets my imagination trucking. All the different possibilities for death, for our futures, for pretty much anything after 1 second from now. Whether I type this sentence fast, or whether I type it slowly, all affects everything that will ever happen for the rest of forever. It makes you realize that whatever the person next to you is typing could start World War III, or be plotting you sneak up on you in the shadows of the parking garage after class. Or they could be planning to become a clown. Who really knows anything about tomorrow? Plans change. Things happen. People die. People are born. We are so insignificant in the scheme of things, but without that 1 person, that one baby, that one old man that died yesterday, none of this would be happening. I might not be typing this paper on whatever I’m rambling on about. Every single thing that happens, whether it be the ant you stomped on this morning or the next President that is elected, all of it is relevant to everything else.

10 Things I’m Passionate About APRIL 22ND

1.       HARRY POTTER

2.       READING

3.       DRAGONBALL Z

4.       DEAF CHILDREN FROM ETHIOPIA

5.       HUNGRY ANIMALS

6.       THINGS THAT SMELL GOOD

7.       MY SONS

8.       GRAPE/ESQUE JUICE

9.       HUMOR

1.   EDUCATION

Harry Potter APRIL 22ND

One of the things that I am most passionate about, and know the most about, and get most excited about, is Harry Potter. This includes the books written by JK Rowling, and also every Harry Potter movie made, and also includes all fan fiction. I include all fan fiction because anything written about Harry Potter, no matter who it is written by, is amazing and magical. Most magical, though, if it is written by me.

The reason I love Harry Potter so much is because they are the greatest books ever written by mankind. I don’t care what anyone else has to say, whether you think classical books, or non-fiction books are better, because you are WRONG. Harry Potter books are GENIUS. They are about more than just “magic”. They are about friendship, and love, and dedication, and perseverance, and overcoming obstacles big and small. They are about magic, and imagination, and deep thinking, and they open up your mind to things you would never even think about.  Harry Potter has brought more people together from different countries, ethnicities, backgrounds, religions, social groups, and more. It has unified an entire group of people, even people that are blind enough to not like Harry Potter have been included. Why? Because what are they talking about not liking? HARRY POTTER. Whether you love it, hate it, are obsessed with it, or have an urge to burn every copy ever printed, you still have Harry Potter on the brain. It’s amazing what a simple series can do to an entire race.

Now, more reasons I like Harry Potter.

First off, HP got me through almost every hardship I have ever faced in my life. When I am feeling like I’m all alone, I can relate to Harry. Or like I’m smarter than everyone around me, like Hermione. Or if I’m lost in a crowd of identical faces, like Ron. Or if I stand out like a giant oaf, laughed at and teased because I’m different, like Hagrid. Or like I’m seen as pure evil, no matter my real intentions, like Snape. There is someone to relate to in every sense of every book. When you really think about it, Harry Potter books have probably helped more people cope with everyday life than any other modern day book.

Something new that I just learned is that there is a REAL life sport called muggle quidditch, played by real people, in a different way since we don’t have flying broom sticks.

HUNGRY ANIMALS APRIL 22ND

I am SO passionate about hungry animals. What I am referring to when I talk about hungry animals is those sad little puppy dogs and kitty cats on tv and in the ghetto that people leave chained up and ditch them and nobody feeds them until Animal Control comes and sees every bone in their body is sticking out and instead of being about to be saved, they have to be put down because there is no going back for them. It is so sad to think about people, especially kids, who just don’t give a shit and “forget” to feed their dog or cat, well I’d like to see the poor dog or cat eat their damn face off every time they conveniently “forget” to feed them, just because they are lazy or want to play video games or eat their own food and get fat instead.

I get so upset watching one of my favorite tv shows, Animal Cops. There are so many people who can just leave their animals outside chained up, forgotten out, hungry, and no neighbor, passerby, or even cop will do anything about it. They only people who care have way too much to do and way too many animals to care for and look after. It isn’t fair that people are allowed to buy these animals and torture them. Or that these animals have to be locked in fences, caged, leashed and tethered to a single point in an itty bitty yard or in an itty bitty house. I wish all the vicious wild animals in the world would band together and attack us and take over and make us pets, and show us how it feels to be treated the way we treat out pets.

The Splendid Hatred of Pigeons Who Love Bagels APRIL 8TH

I saw my way to get back at my ex fiancé, Roza, but I had to be sneaky. This man had power, and I had to weild it. I waited for my perfect opportunity, and then…

GO GO GO!

I attacked, and I got inside the control box. The control box of my love and despair. The love I shall use to destroy the entire city Roza, my ex lover, lives in. Where, you ask? Hold on…

OOPS!

(I might have pushed a few uhm….)

What are all of these buttons?

OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH

Bounce.

This takes some getting used to. Rough ride. There has to be a pigeon control version on here somewhere…

ZZEERRRRPPP!

Ooooo… this one sounds like…. LASER FIRE

I think I have to shoot this laser fire beam exactly 73 times before I can continue.

So, I will.

Then, there was blast off.

Okay, now I get it. These controls are easy! Screw you all!

LASERRRRRR FIIIRRREEEEEE

Hmmm. That Bagel… this man needs it desperately. It must be powerful. Powerfully delicious.

I’ll trick him… and destroy Roza! All in one and a half minutes!

HA!

Oh no he didn’t. What is he…?

Wait…. HE PUSHED IT FOR ME!!!!

I can’t wait to see this… Please be a big rocket….

BLASSSSTTTT OOOFFFFFFF

Wow. Oh crud, he’s gonna try and fly like a pigeon and stop it. Let’s do this thang.

FOLLOW THAT ROCKET!! I will not let him stop that rocket! It must kill Roza!

That’s right, human. Adios.

But then….

BAGEL!!!!!!!

The horribly dressed human has deserted the bagel, left it to fly back down to earth, tumbling at immense speed.

I dive bombed to catch the bagel…. But behind me in the sky…

KABOOM

The rocket, it has exploded! NO! The human tricked ME! He has foiled my plans to kill that murderous feather stripping ex pigeon!

Well…..

At least I got the bagel.

THE END?

Until the next bagel….

By Coltney Fisher

Pigeon Extraordinaire

Champion of All Bagels

FREE WRITE  MARCH 20

BLUE     

Sometimes, I look at the sky, and I remember… Its not really blue. Its not blue at all, it is just a big giant swirling mass of gases held together by the immense gravity of Earths core, and the whole thing just so happens to be reflective. Which brings me to my next question. Is water blue? Tap water isn’t… Is it chlorinated water? Or is the salt? Or is it the crap from all the pretty sea creatures that turns the ocean blue? Maybe there isn’t even such a thing as blue. Blue may be completely relative. Blue may not even exist. Blue may be a figment of our imaginations, our eyes and brains finding a way for humans to have on edge on the rest of the living creatures on this planet. We may be the only living creatures in the universe that actually see the color blue as what we think of as blue. What chemical structure makes the blue part of a rainbow different from the yellow or red part of the rainbow? Extra tears? Extra pretty sea creature particles floating around after thunderstorms? Of course there are people out there who have most of the answers to these questions. I’m just too lazy to go look for them, as Id rather just sit here and ask myself.