JANUARY 26TH
Always looking over your shoulder, making sure
there is no possibility of something making your heart stop beating and your
brain stop firing.
That is what women feel on a daily basis as they walk down the street. At least
I do. Maybe I’ve seen too many episodes of Law and Order SVU. Around every corner is someone on PCP looking
to strip naked and stab me to death. That’s a real healthy way to take a stroll
downtown. Imagining all the crazed drug addicts hiding in the shadows, waiting
for pretty little thing like me with a nice jacket on to walk by so they can
snap, leave reality, murder me, eat me, and toss me in the dumpster next to
their bed. I’m obviously extremely paranoid, although I like to refer to myself
as a chronic worrier. I don’t think EVERYONE is out to get me, I just think all
the people that would love to chop me up could be anywhere. Could be right next
to me. Thoma could be attempting to murder me today. Who knows? I mean think
about how many people get killed every single day. Odds are, somebody’s getting
sliced and diced soon. With my luck, probably me. I just hope that when I die,
there is a movie about me. I hope I die in the most awesome way possible. If I
ever get diagnosed with cancer or some stupid SHIT like that, I’m just going to
fly on down the Columbia, buy a giant bag of pure cocaine, and go out the good
way. I’m not dying after chemo. No way am I going to sit there and die. Of
course at the rate America is going, I’ll probably become enslaved to some
Chinese Overlord and work in the fields until the nuclear radiation from the
war shorts out my brain. Yes, I think I’m screwed when China takes over. We
will ALL become enslaved, fugitives, or dead. Sorry I have absolutely no idea
what I’m typing about anymore. My brain hurts. I didn’t get enough sleep last
night, and my stupid husband and I fought this morning because since I can’t
find a way to school in the AM, I had to drop my first class. Which is the one
I was most excited about. POOP! I wish I had a car. Speaking of cars, that is
what I am using my student loan money for. I haven’t decided what type of car I
am getting yet, but I know I don’t want some Volkswagen POS. It is so difficult
to find a good Honda or Nissan for my price range though. I wish Oprah or Ellen
would give me a call, and give me a car while they are at it. Maybe like 50
grand too
Friday, May 1, 2015
FEAR JANUARY 26TH
When I think of fear, all I think of is death. So, am I
afraid of death, or afraid of the unknown?
First, let’s discuss death. There are so many reasons to be
afraid of death. Of what kind of death you will have, whether it be drowning,
eyes searching the water as you exhale the last of your oxygen. Or possibly
burning to death, scrambling around to try and escape the searing heat and
choking fumes. Personally, I would love to fall off of the face of a cliff. I
think the adrenaline coursing through my body after flying through the air
hundreds of feet would make death feel like a rave party. What other ways are there of dying? Blowing
my brains out? Slicing someone into tiny pieces?
Isn’t that scary? Thinking about accidental deaths, then you
realize, wait, someone could kill me. Like, any second they want to. There is
no way to stop someone from shooting you, or sneaking up on you in the parking
garage and slicing you up. Always looking over your shoulder, making sure there
is no possibility of something making your heart stop beating and your brain
stop firing. That, is fear.
Yet, when I think of fear of the unknown, death could also
be placed into that category. I will never know how or when I will die, whether
it be water or slicing or maybe cliff diving, which is what gets my imagination
trucking. All the different possibilities for death, for our futures, for
pretty much anything after 1 second from now. Whether I type this sentence
fast, or whether I type it slowly, all affects everything that will ever happen
for the rest of forever. It makes you realize that whatever the person next to
you is typing could start World War III, or be plotting you sneak up on you in
the shadows of the parking garage after class. Or they could be planning to
become a clown. Who really knows anything about tomorrow? Plans change. Things
happen. People die. People are born. We are so insignificant in the scheme of
things, but without that 1 person, that one baby, that one old man that died
yesterday, none of this would be happening. I might not be typing this paper on
whatever I’m rambling on about. Every single thing that happens, whether it be
the ant you stomped on this morning or the next President that is elected, all
of it is relevant to everything else.
Harry Potter APRIL 22ND
One of the things that I am most passionate about, and know
the most about, and get most excited about, is Harry Potter. This includes the
books written by JK Rowling, and also every Harry Potter movie made, and also
includes all fan fiction. I include all fan fiction because anything written
about Harry Potter, no matter who it is written by, is amazing and magical.
Most magical, though, if it is written by me.
The reason I love Harry Potter so much is because they are
the greatest books ever written by mankind. I don’t care what anyone else has
to say, whether you think classical books, or non-fiction books are better,
because you are WRONG. Harry Potter books are GENIUS. They are about more than
just “magic”. They are about friendship, and love, and dedication, and
perseverance, and overcoming obstacles big and small. They are about magic, and
imagination, and deep thinking, and they open up your mind to things you would
never even think about. Harry Potter has
brought more people together from different countries, ethnicities,
backgrounds, religions, social groups, and more. It has unified an entire group
of people, even people that are blind enough to not like Harry Potter have been
included. Why? Because what are they talking about not liking? HARRY POTTER.
Whether you love it, hate it, are obsessed with it, or have an urge to burn
every copy ever printed, you still have Harry Potter on the brain. It’s amazing
what a simple series can do to an entire race.
Now, more reasons I like Harry Potter.
First off, HP got me through almost every hardship I have
ever faced in my life. When I am feeling like I’m all alone, I can relate to
Harry. Or like I’m smarter than everyone around me, like Hermione. Or if I’m
lost in a crowd of identical faces, like Ron. Or if I stand out like a giant
oaf, laughed at and teased because I’m different, like Hagrid. Or like I’m seen
as pure evil, no matter my real intentions, like Snape. There is someone to
relate to in every sense of every book. When you really think about it, Harry
Potter books have probably helped more people cope with everyday life than any
other modern day book.
Something new that I just learned is that there is a REAL
life sport called muggle quidditch, played by real people, in a different way
since we don’t have flying broom sticks.
HUNGRY
ANIMALS APRIL 22ND
I am SO passionate about hungry animals. What I am referring
to when I talk about hungry animals is those sad little puppy dogs and kitty
cats on tv and in the ghetto that people leave chained up and ditch them and
nobody feeds them until Animal Control comes and sees every bone in their body
is sticking out and instead of being about to be saved, they have to be put
down because there is no going back for them. It is so sad to think about
people, especially kids, who just don’t give a shit and “forget” to feed their
dog or cat, well I’d like to see the poor dog or cat eat their damn face off
every time they conveniently “forget” to feed them, just because they are lazy
or want to play video games or eat their own food and get fat instead.
I get so upset watching one of my favorite tv shows, Animal
Cops. There are so many people who can just leave their animals outside chained
up, forgotten out, hungry, and no neighbor, passerby, or even cop will do
anything about it. They only people who care have way too much to do and way
too many animals to care for and look after. It isn’t fair that people are
allowed to buy these animals and torture them. Or that these animals have to be
locked in fences, caged, leashed and tethered to a single point in an itty
bitty yard or in an itty bitty house. I wish all the vicious wild animals in
the world would band together and attack us and take over and make us pets, and
show us how it feels to be treated the way we treat out pets.
The Splendid Hatred of Pigeons Who Love Bagels APRIL 8TH
I saw my way to get back at my ex fiancé, Roza, but I had to
be sneaky. This man had power, and I had to weild it. I waited for my perfect
opportunity, and then…
GO GO GO!
I attacked, and I got inside the control box. The control
box of my love and despair. The love I shall use to destroy the entire city
Roza, my ex lover, lives in. Where, you ask? Hold on…
OOPS!
(I might have pushed a few uhm….)
What are all of these buttons?
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH
Bounce.
This takes some getting used to. Rough ride. There has to be
a pigeon control version on here somewhere…
ZZEERRRRPPP!
Ooooo… this one sounds like…. LASER FIRE
I think I have to shoot this laser fire beam exactly 73
times before I can continue.
So, I will.
Then, there was blast off.
Okay, now I get it. These controls are easy! Screw you all!
LASERRRRRR FIIIRRREEEEEE
Hmmm. That Bagel… this man needs it desperately. It must be
powerful. Powerfully delicious.
I’ll trick him… and destroy Roza! All in one and a half
minutes!
HA!
Oh no he didn’t. What is he…?
Wait…. HE PUSHED IT FOR ME!!!!
I can’t wait to see this… Please be a big rocket….
BLASSSSTTTT OOOFFFFFFF
Wow. Oh crud, he’s gonna try and fly like a pigeon and stop
it. Let’s do this thang.
FOLLOW THAT ROCKET!! I will not let him stop that rocket! It
must kill Roza!
That’s right, human. Adios.
But then….
BAGEL!!!!!!!
The horribly dressed human has deserted the bagel, left it
to fly back down to earth, tumbling at immense speed.
I dive bombed to catch the bagel…. But behind me in the sky…
KABOOM
The rocket, it has exploded! NO! The human tricked ME! He
has foiled my plans to kill that murderous feather stripping ex pigeon!
Well…..
At least I got the bagel.
THE END?
Until the next bagel….
By Coltney Fisher
Pigeon Extraordinaire
Champion of All Bagels
FREE WRITE MARCH 20
BLUE
Sometimes, I look at the sky, and I remember… Its not really
blue. Its not blue at all, it is just a big giant swirling mass of gases held
together by the immense gravity of Earths core, and the whole thing just so
happens to be reflective. Which brings me to my next question. Is water blue?
Tap water isn’t… Is it chlorinated water? Or is the salt? Or is it the crap
from all the pretty sea creatures that turns the ocean blue? Maybe there isn’t
even such a thing as blue. Blue may be completely relative. Blue may not even
exist. Blue may be a figment of our imaginations, our eyes and brains finding a
way for humans to have on edge on the rest of the living creatures on this
planet. We may be the only living creatures in the universe that actually see
the color blue as what we think of as blue. What chemical structure makes the
blue part of a rainbow different from the yellow or red part of the rainbow?
Extra tears? Extra pretty sea creature particles floating around after
thunderstorms? Of course there are people out there who have most of the
answers to these questions. I’m just too lazy to go look for them, as Id rather
just sit here and ask myself.
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