FINAL BLOG POSTING. ta-dah.

Write one last blog post answering the following questions: 

• Which in class writing was your favorite? Why?
• Which in class writing was your least favorite? Why?
• Review all your writing chronologically (earliest to latest). List three interesting observations or changes in your writing. Which are the most profound (obvious and important)? Why?
• If you could change anything about your writing this semester what would it be? Why?
• What did you like best about this course?
• What did you like least about this course?
• What would you have done differently this semester if you could have a do-over?
• What did learn about yourself as a student, a thinker, a writer this semester?
• What could I, Ms. A., have done differently to improve the course?
• You begin this course with an engagement and participation score of an A.  Attendance, participation in activities and group work help you to maintain this grade.  Evaluate yourself and assign yourself a grade for the in class portion of this course.  Don’t forget the reasoning behind your self assigned grade.

Looking back at all of my free write, my favorite one was about the first time my 2 year old took a dump on the toilet. The memory is my favorite, which makes the writing better (and longer) and is my favorite post.

My least favorite had to be the first day we did free writing. The reasoning behind this is because I was so frustrated. I wanted more time to prepare. I am a little OCD, and I believe in the mantra "Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance." It has been ingrained in me since I was a child, and I don't like things being sprung on me.

The most profound interesting observation is that my writing gets more and more sarcastic. I think that this is the only real observation, as a lot of it is me just BS'ing. I guess you could say my grammar gets better, but then again I think that is just the sarcasm. All of my writing is in a very sarcastic tone. I think this is because I find humor in writing on certain topics, and this most of the people in this class are..... not very creative writers. ;)

I would NOT change anything about my writing this semester. Period. It's fantastic, beautiful, poetic work that should be published and regarded as works of art for centuries. 

The best thing I liked about this course was sitting next to Thomas. He's my new best bed and I just learned he speaks French, Deutsche, and understands German. I wish him well on his European travels with his girlfriend this summer.

The only thing I would have done differently this semester is cared more. I just don't think it was very easy to care because there wasn't much to care about. Besides myself. And my beautiful, creative, artistic brain.

The thing I liked least about this course was the fact that I was not prepared for certain aspects of the class. I expected more, I expected to learn. More so than I did.

If I could have a do-over this semester I would have done the This I Believe essay so I'm not failing the class.

As a student, thinker, and a writer, I learned that I really want to pursue writing of some kind. I think I'm hilarious, witty, creative, and smarter than the average bear. I'm actually smarter than a couple really smart bears. I'm also a lot funnier when I write than when I talk. I can also talk, type, and think REALLY fast. 

BOOM.

Ms. A, to improve this course I would recommend LESS free writing, and more.... I don't know the correct phrasing... Curriculum based learning? Facts? Structural instruction? I don't feel like I learned anything besides how to free write for 10 minutes at a time and how to crack jokes. I'm scared to take the next step in English, learning wise, because I expected more from this class. Although you are freaking awesome. Seriously. It's weird. You're super cool.

I think I deserve a B. The only reason I don't say A is because I missed quite a few classes. If it weren't for that, I think I'm the most creative writer in this class. My participation is always GREATLY appreciated, and my group always thinks my stuff is awesome. In fact, multiple times my ideas have been considered the best. For this reason, I think I deserve AT LEAST a B. If you want to pretend I was always here, I deserve an A because I'm a genius.

Toodles.

Coltney 

The Woman of New Age Creation

By: Coltney Fisher ENG101 11:00AM

                                    LIVE @ New Age Creation 11:03AM

            Throughout the reaches of time and advancement of the human race, men have attempted a multitude of times to create what they view and consider to be  a “perfect woman”. Although unsuccessful after millennium of effort, I am pleased to be the first to tell you, that today, after the numerous attempts previously tried by man, the scientific and artistic communities of Earth are eager to announce to you the latest addition to humanity; the no-named woman of New Age Creation.

            First, let me tell you a little about a brand new, exciting, state-of-the-art, ever growing new enterprise, formed under the name and concept of New Age Creation. This company was founded within the areas of artificial insemination, cloning, and genetic modification, their main focus consisting of research and the goal of furthering the advancement and achievement of humanitarian services. So to sum up, their main focus and product, is the creation of humans.      

            Now, let me tell you about New Age Creations’ most recent addition. Created and pieced together from the DNA of over 20 people, giving it the genome diversity not yet witnessed or seen by any scientific community, let alone with human eyes, is the woman of which no name can speculated or fathomed. I have been told that because of this, she does not have, and does not intend to have, a name as you and I would assume. This might be seen as a strange notion to you or I, not wanting a name; continue reading and I can promise you that this woman not having a name is the simplest trait she possesses.

            This woman, of whom no name can or will be given, couldn’t possibly be any less than a staggering 6’ 4” in height and surprisingly, as nimble and limber as any professional athlete could be capable of being. At first glance, you might be mistaken in thinking she was one called Popeye the Sailor Man, with her forearms so comically muscular and chiseled, believing your own eyes is near impossible.  I don’t think that humanity has even seen a full grown bear with such brawn and brute strength. Among many strange features you will notice when she happens to glide by, this woman of no name, this creature, has the disheveled, dazed, appearance of an unkempt, uncivilized caveman. Her hair has a mottled, dirty assortment of different colored dreadlocks that reach the small of her back. There are some locks that have a blondish hue, some with various shades of blue; the roots of which were tinted green. I’m almost certain that they couldn’t possibly…wait a minute, her hair!  Her hair is natural, purely unaltered. What other qualities could such a human possess? I’ve been looking at her for all of 3 minutes and already I’ve become lost in the beauty of so much diversity. There are too many features, shapes, and colors to be able to describe to you and still be the first to publish this future-altering scientific success.

 After very little contemplation, I have to agree with her decision to have no name. She needs no name.

            Writhing in anticipation? Make sure and subscribe to my Live Feed, bookmark my link to your Newsfeed, and save me to your Favorites tab to stay updated on the future of humanity. Be the first to know. 

FEBRUARY 6TH

ANGRY RED SNAP DRAGON

Today, I would be an angry red snap dragon because I am super pissed off. I really just need to cuss up a storm on here to feel better. Hope I don’t get counted off for it. Anyways, let me continue on the rant I was just having.

THIS BITCH. I am so mad today. This girl in absolutely unbelievable. Now, I’m a scorpio, so I’m already a naturally jealous person. Well, extremely jealous. And this girl, I’ve never had to work so hard at self control my entire life. I literally have to watch her, for fear she might rufie and rape my husband. Anytime he goes anywhere in the house, she follows. Whether with her body, (mostly), or the rare occasion that doesn’t involve me following, her eyes. I can’t even let my husband smoke a cigarette in the garage alone by himself, because he’s scared she’s going to do something and make him have to lay to smack down on a hoe. I wish she would do something in front of me so I could lay the smack down on that hoe. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is, she hasn’t even graduated highschool and she’s older than me. She doesn’t even have her GED! Plus, her teeth are all sorts of funked up. (Yes I said FUNKed) She is lazy, sleeps all day, and all she has going for her is an in the dark rich ass fiancé and her money management skills. She is by no means prettier than me… but that makes me wonder. What is she actually thinks shes prettier than me? LOL I mean why would my husband want to be with a girl who number one is his best friends girl, and number two, her fiancé calls her “Stinky Puss.” Hmm. Wonder what that could mean? HA. I just cant wait to get back home and flaunt my relationship with husband some more. She gets SO jealous. Anytime she innapropriately asks him to do something with that slutty smirk on her face, he KNOWS it pisses me off, and he either asks me to come with him or asks me to do it instead. Last night when she asked him to start the fire back up, (which was less than a foot away from her) he looked at me because he knew exactly what she was doing and exactly how effing pissed I was going to get. Luckily, I married a smart man, and he looked at me and said. “Dear, take care of the fire for me?”

Which I went to try, and I couldn’t do what he wanted done. So he came over and showed me how to do it and helped me. It was all very cute and romantic and giggly. Once we started laughing, she jumped out of her chair and stormed into her room. I just couldn’t believe how…. Obvious… she was being about her being into my husband. Like bitch, you got your own sitting right beside you and you want mine? This girl is trying to make us come to Columbia with her and her fiancé today, and 

FEBRUARY 6TH

Always Correct in all of my Assumptions

Day in and day out, people do stupid shit. Like, all the time. And anytime anyone does something they shouldn’t, somehow I ALWAYS know. They will deny it, but in the end I always find out and I am always right! It makes me so mad. You would think that after someone knowing every time you screw up would make someone either one, make better decisions, or two, be a little sneakier and less obvious about what they do. Even though they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

That’s enough of my husband. Lets talk about bitches.

So I live with my husband, a co worker of his, and his fiancé. Now this chick, she REALLY gets under my skin. Really bad. She is CONSTANTLY flirting with my husband, every chance she gets she follows him around like a retarded little puppy dog. She flirts with him to the extreme, asks innapropriate questions and acts like she isn’t doing anything. She stares at him, and gives him this “look”. If you are a female reading this, you know the look. And she does this in front of me, AND her fiancé! She is so blatant about it I don’t know how to act. She makes me very uncomfortable, and my husband hates it too. Whenever we are fighting, she will leave us alone, go and sit with him, talk to him, follow him and make sure he’s ok, and then when we are beyond fantastic she does everything in her power to separate us. This weekend she wants us to go to Columbia with them but I have a really weird gut feeling like shes up to something, but I have no idea what it could be. She’s a little slut bag, and wants my husbands silky panties. Even though she has a fiancé, is talking to her ex swapping nudes and telling him she loves him. I just don’t understand where she gets off acting this way right in front of me. Is it because she doesn’t think I know what she’s doing? Does she want my husband that badly? Or does she just not care because technically its her house and if we have a problem we have nowhere to go?  My husband wants to say something to her fiancé, because they are like best friends. Plus, technically, the house, bills, cars, EVERYTHING are in his name and his rich parents names. I want to knock this bitch the FUCK out. Sorry for the language. After last night, having to deal with you, I literally can’t even think.

FEBRUARY 2ND

I believe in love

Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can feel. It can make people kill, fight, steal, destroy, hate, conspire, even torture. Love can also bring out the good side of humans though. It can make us happy, forgiving, understanding, empathetic, sincere, and all warm and cuddly inside.

What is it about the emotion that everyone has to get their hands on? Why does humanity crave love?

Love is the core of our DNA. Love is acceptance, understanding, possessive, jealous,  and forgiving all at the same time. Love is the only emotion we feel that we must own ourselves, that we cannot easily or willingly share with others. Love is binding, love is eternal, love is the beginning and love is the end. We as humans cannot survive without love at some point in our lifetimes. As babies, without love, we cannot grow into self sufficient adults. We cannot accept ourselves until we are loved by another, we have to have attention, and understanding, and someone to talk to and share our deepest desires with. We need someone to own a part of us, to hold for safe keeping. Without someone there to know and hold on to part of you, you can lose yourself in life and in the struggle of surviving the chaos humanity has turned the world into. You need an anchor, a human anchor, to keep you rooted in reality and not in whatever made up fiction is going around in your head.

Some people get married, some people divorce, some people just give up. I refuse to give up on my love. My other half keeps me strong, he inspires me, he keeps me sane.

FEBRUARY 2ND

I believe in love,

in loyalty

 in dedication

in my husband

in my children

in aliens

in respect

in hard work

in freedom

in murder

in revenge

in trust

in honesty

in forgiveness

in George Washington

in second chances

in third chances

in fourth chances

in fifth chances

in sixth chances

in seventh chances

BUT not in eighth chances

JANUARY 30TH

The Lady or the Tiger?

When the Princess’s lover opened the door, he was surprised to find not a beautiful woman or a way to live, but a ferocious and starved tiger. The lover of the Princess had barely enough time to glance at his maiden in shock before he sprang into action. He immediately dove to the left and opened the other door, but there was no escape. Simply a cell with a beautiful woman inside.

Now, this commoner, he had skills. Many skills. Along with being amazingly handsome and brave, he also had an entire lifetime of experience of living on the streets. He was agile, fast, sneaky, and confident. So when he realized the other door held no escape for him, he did what any street rat would do to a stranger. He grabbed her by her hair and her waist, hoisted her up, and launched her into the grasp of the tiger. The beautiful woman didn’t even have a chance to scream before the tiger sank his teeth into the flesh of her neck and shoulder. The sight was gruesome, but it gave the commoner a chance.

In the split second between opening the first door and the second door, the princess had left the audience. The king, the spectators, they did not see this. They did not know, even the commoner did not know, that this had been her plan. They were in love after all, so she knew everything he was capable of.

BY: Coltney Fisher